Feeling undone by the winter bleakness that had invaded my spirit over the past couple of weeks we decided to revel, rather than revile, in the winter delights of Victoria. Initially the plan was for some cross country skiing amongst the civilised groomed tracks of the resort, however upon discovering that a "Pub to Pub" race was to occur on the same day, the plan had become somewhat unappealing. In favour was a back country ski touring trip up Mt Bogong via the Eskdale spur, snow camping nearby Michell's hut.
Magic. Far far way.
Even more magical was the big snow dumps that had occured on cue throughout the week, nestling snow below azure alpine skies amongst stunted gums and rareified air. The 800m ascent over perhaps 3 to 4 km was gruelling given my body's winter apathy for cardiovascular fitness. But even after one day my body adjusted and while my mind was a little stuck on the idea of unfitness, my legs just got on with the work. I love the capacity for the body to dissociate from an uncooperative mind and I one day would like to abandon dissociation and move closer towards deeper association. The dualism is merely a convenient intellectual construct, and I am so often seduced by intellect, probably for convenience. Like following already marked ski trails in the snow.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
A clinician
I have six weeks until I finish my formal, tertiary training as a clinician.
Integrating this professional identity with a personal one is likely to be an ongoing challenge. A boundary challenge. Everything seems to push against the boundaries, but some things need to become part of your skin. Some things need to be on the outside. It sometimes feels like walking a tight rope, knowing when to fall off and when to just keep balancing, and even, the timing of that first step forward above the void.
I will enter soon the cloister of my research. Anticipating the solitude of being caught in my own thoughts about obscure topics. Fighting the battle of distraction whilst hopeful in the journey of discovery. Scientific exploration is an exciting endeavour, a momentary step out of the drudgery of ignorance, no matter how small and seemingly inconsequential.
My research will perhaps one day be looked upon similarly as the hack work of phrenologists, but I will suspend any Kuhnian cynicism for the time being. Is science about what is good or right? Does it carry the burden of social endeavour and improvement? I think it does in its application, which is invariably a human process and potentially corrupted by the same "heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to". Yet the process of investigation and exploration cannot be judged a priori by the burden of utility - we cannot know what purpose a discovery might have as time unfolds. We must be scrupulous in our curiosity, but generous in our imagination.
Integrating this professional identity with a personal one is likely to be an ongoing challenge. A boundary challenge. Everything seems to push against the boundaries, but some things need to become part of your skin. Some things need to be on the outside. It sometimes feels like walking a tight rope, knowing when to fall off and when to just keep balancing, and even, the timing of that first step forward above the void.
I will enter soon the cloister of my research. Anticipating the solitude of being caught in my own thoughts about obscure topics. Fighting the battle of distraction whilst hopeful in the journey of discovery. Scientific exploration is an exciting endeavour, a momentary step out of the drudgery of ignorance, no matter how small and seemingly inconsequential.
My research will perhaps one day be looked upon similarly as the hack work of phrenologists, but I will suspend any Kuhnian cynicism for the time being. Is science about what is good or right? Does it carry the burden of social endeavour and improvement? I think it does in its application, which is invariably a human process and potentially corrupted by the same "heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to". Yet the process of investigation and exploration cannot be judged a priori by the burden of utility - we cannot know what purpose a discovery might have as time unfolds. We must be scrupulous in our curiosity, but generous in our imagination.
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